Something you hope to do in your life.

This one is easy- I want (AND WILL) complete my Bachelor's Degree.

Fin.

Day: 4- Something You Have to Forgive Someone for.

I'm skipping this one because I forgave who I had to a long time ago.
I still remember, but forgiveness has been issued.

Day 3: Something You Have to Forgive Yourself for.

Dear Me,

I love you, and while things haven't always been on the up, you always found a way there.  You are a good and kind person and I suppose that is why I can't understand why you are so hard on yourself.  Sometimes to the point of tears. You have to stop feeling guilty for choices you've made.  Sure, hindsight is always 20/20, but had you made different choices, would you still have the amazing life you have now?  Probably not.  

Why do you beat yourself up about your weight?  You are healthy, yes? So what if you give in and eat sweets or a slice or two of pizza? You want it-have it.  It's all about moderation.  You have GOT to stop enjoying something and then feeling like trash the minute it is over.  Life is short.  Enjoy every minute.

So, you didn't go to the gym every day this week.  You're still making an effort, it's really okay.

Stop questioning everything you do or don't.

I forgive you for scrutinizing yourself.

I forgive you for being ugly to yourself.

I forgive you for having unrealistic expectations.

Now, get out there and be HAPPY.

Day 2: Something You Love About Yourself

Ahhh, Love.   
The life force of all living things...no, wait.  That's the Sun. I LOVE THE SUN!
love, Love, LOVE!
I love music and horror and poetry and puppy dogs and, and, and..
Oh yeah, this is what I love about ME.
Hmmm.  Good question.
I must admit, had I been asked this a few years back I would have struggled to find an accurate answer.  But now, wow,  (at the risk of sounding self absorbed) there are so many things I have discovered that I love about myself.
But, out of all things, I absolutely, postively, without-a-doubt LOVE my ability to LOVE!
I become happy, giddy even at the thought of the word...Love.
I am so passionate (to a fault) about people, things, events, animals...
Is it strange that I can love a melody the same way I love my dog? Perhaps.
I love those in need, those who have wronged me (forgive but never forget) and love the beauty that is in everthing/everyone surrounding us.
My heart swells when I see beautiful architecture, a grandparent hugging a child, someone helping the elderly, a baby learning to walk, an amazing rock performance, etc.
Why?  Because I love life and all aspects of it.
"The sweet is never as sweet without the sour"- Vanilla Sky
SO, yes.  I love that I can still love with all my Soul no matter what cards life has dealt me.

Day One: Something You Hate About Yourself

Hate.
Such a strong word that I seldom use it.
There are a few things that I dislike about myself, some of which I truly have no control over- like, the fact that I will never have a beautiful smile.  Or, that my heart rules all my actions. There are other things that I can control, but allow myself to surrender to defeat.  You know, being on the giving end of a relationship, always working harder than most for the least recognition, eating more than I should/exercising way less.  You get the point.  In most recent years I have been trying my hardest to learn to love myself truly, flaws included. In that process, I have also learned that the part of me that I dislike (hate) the most is the part of me that really needs love the most-my self-esteem.

I probably have the worst self esteem of anyone you know.  And, because of that, people that I love suffer.
My Low Self-Esteem speaks to the jealousy and encourages it.  Low Self -Esteem speaks to envy and blinds me from all the wonderful things in my life.
Low Self-Esteem makes me see things that are not real.
Low Self- Esteem tricks my heart and clouds my mind.
Even still, little by little, I am learning to feed love to the one thing I hate the most in hopes that one day it will shed its ugly lining and blossom into the most beautiful entity it is destined to become.

30 Days of Truth

I didn't have enough self discipline to complete the last well (hell, make it through the first five) but I am determined to complete this one.  Join me, if you dare.

Day 01 — Something you hate about yourself.

Day 02 — Something you love about yourself

Day 03 — Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Day 04 — Something you have to forgive someone for.

Day 05 — Something you hope to do in your life.

Day 06 — Something you hope you never have to do.

Day 07 — Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Day 08 — Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Day 09 — Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Day 10 — Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Day 11 — Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Day 12 — Something you never get compliments on.

Day 13 — A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Day 14 — A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Day 15 — Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living 

without it.

Day 16 — Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17 — A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Day 18 — Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19 — What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20 — Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21 — (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22 — Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Day 23 — Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 24 — Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 25 — The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Day 26 — Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 27 — What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Day 28 — What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 29 — Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Day 30 — A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Welcome to the Happiest Place on Earth.

In December, we traveled to visit my side of the family in Tampa.  On the 22nd, we took a one day trip to the most magical, amazing place on Earth- Disney World.
You see, ever since I was a little girl Disneyland/DisneyWorld  became a yearly event.  Always something that I looked forward to-a constant- a day (or few) where all my troubles would melt away and I would float amongst the magic of my favorite characters and stories.  I hope to one day share in that magic with my child, and last year I was able to do that and more...

Not only did I share in the joy with my one and a half year old, but my mother was there and all was right in the world.

I must admit, Disney with a toddler was something I thought would drive us to drink, but I am so incredibly proud at how well behaved Uly was.  Not only that, but he rode Pirates of the Caribbean and the Haunted Mansion without being afraid of anything!  He totally squealed with delight when the dip of the ship occurred and played "el coco" with me throughout the dark parts of the rides.  I have an amazing little boy that does not cease to surprise me daily with how magnificent he is.

While this may not be a yearly tradition I can continue, I will never allow more than 3 yrs lapse without visiting the mouse with Uly.
I know what Heaven feels like: It's your little boy cuddling with you on the Haunted Mansion ride.

Because I Don't Want to Forget...

• For the past month he has been improving on his numbers, letters and colors.
• He can count to ten on his own.
• He can count to tres in Spanish.
• He knows the order of the alphabet, though only pronounces a few letters.  Mainly A, B, E, K, O, P, S,T.
• He can recognize and pronounce colors such as "lello", red, blue, "een" and my personal favorite- "puh'pal."
• He recognizes mommy's "Tat-too."
• When he wants to be picked up he says "up" and extends his arms.
• When he wants "down" he tells you, also.
• "Thank you" and "you're welcome" are a regular part of his vocabulary now.
• He knows who "Oski" is.
• He can tell you if something is "hot" or "cold."
• "Cat" and "puppy" are recognizable, too.
• Thanks to Diego, "yum, yum, yum, delicioso" is also a part of his vocabulary.
• "Eat" , "juice" , "more" and "all done"  are heard at meal times.
• When you ask him how much Mommy loves him- he answers "mmmmmback" (to the moon and back )
• He knows the tune and hand motions to The Itsy Bitsy Spider, Row, Row Row Your Boat, Skimmamarinky Dinky Dink and even says "Iiiii  you!" (I love you)
• His first song recognition was Old MacDonald and he would sing "EIEI-O."

Day 03 – Your Parents

I grew up a poor, black child.
I kid, I kid. Ahhh, but I do love me some Steve Martin.
I am first generation American.  The product of a Cuban mother and Puerto Rican father.
My mother had the unfortunate fate to be named after her Patron Saint-Gliceria. Her middle name is Margarita and after making it to the USA, she thankfully took on the moniker of "Maggie."
She was the elder sibling and had to take on the role of translator at an early age.  At 18 she began working in the Workman's Comp Claims industry and has been there ever since, despite a few attempts to revisit College.
She met my father shortly thereafter and I was conceived before she could legally drink. (In case you were wondering, it was in Vegas while watching 'Saturday Night Fever')
My father hails from Puerto Rico and swept my mom off her feet at an early age.  I'm not sure if it was his long hair, his penchant for great music or his brief stint in the military, but boy she was smitten. 
Sadly, their relationship perished by the time I was 2.  As much as I wish they would have/could have stayed together, I am happy they didn't because now I have 4 wonderful siblings that came from their future relationships.
I love my parents deeply, and they did the best they could-I could never resent them for that. At 21 I didn't know what color I wanted to dye my hair let alone could consider having a child. Kudos to them doing what was best.

Day 02 – Your first love

Ah, young love. So sweet, yet so cruel.
I remember being 5 and madly in 'love' with Richard.  Richard was this sweet, timid, perfectly mannered little boy with dark brown skin and darker hair and eyes.
He could do no wrong.
We were both in the same Kindergarten class with Mrs. Thomas who had to be pushing 90. Seriously.
Anyway, we were both in the same class, but I'm sure he didn't realize I existed.  You see, Richard was madly in 'love' with Irene...my best friend.

Eventually I got over Richard and soon realized that boys came and went.  I did, however, realize that there would be a kind of love that would always be reciprocated.  Music.
Music is and always will be my first love. It moves me.  It soothes me.  It inspires me and calms me just the same.
I can relate any aspect of my life to a particular song.
I envision my future via soundtrack.
It makes me smile, it makes me cry.
No matter what, it is always there...
a love, to last a lifetime.