He Buzzes Like a Fridge, He's Like a Detuned Radio.

Another year has come and gone, and just in one hour I will be 30.
The husband is asleep with our dog in one room, the baby in another. I sit in a familiar setting- my darkened living room with nothing on but the t.v. for some backlight.

I just turned Karma Police on to help drown out the sound of the dishwasher.

This is what you get...

29, I am thankful to you because you gave me the most precious gift on Earth-my son, Ulysses.

29, you not only taught me what's important in life, but you also helped me discover the beautiful woman that I am. Sure, I have my flaws, but I am so much more than this shell. And, no matter how this shell may change-new stretch marks, weight gain, weight loss-the soul inside is capable of loving two someones more than there are stars in the sky.

29, You taught me what Tyler Durden has been trying to teach us for years now: ".you're not how much money you've got in the bank. You're not your job. You're not your family, and you're not who you tell yourself. You're not your name. You're not your problems. You're not your age. You are not your hopes."

29, You have bestowed upon me many blessings, including the courage to follow my heart once again.

29, You have allowed me to laugh like a child and cry with the force of a tidal wave. You threw me on an emotional rollercoaster, but led me to safety when the ride was over.

29, You showed me that it is possible to be a mother and not lose your identity in the process. Rock on with your bad self.

29, You make me look forward to 30 with excitement instead of fear.

29, You reinforced that living in the present is what needs to be done. You cannot live your life thinking about the future or rehashing your past.

Perhaps there is more I have to thank you for, 29. Suffice it to say this year I learned and lived and loved with insane passion.

May that never cease.

"May I never be complete. May I never be content. May I never be perfect"--Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club,

testing

Good Ole 30, Here I Come!

I turn thirty next Tuesday, Sept.1. I honestly thought that by now I would have started my major freakout.
Panic.
Obsessing about the things I never did...things I have left to do.

And, here we are, six days shy and I'm cool as a cucumber. Seriously.
I'm actually looking forward to 30. I feel 30 will be MY year. You know, everyone has their year, and I'm convinced 30 will be mine.

I think part of the reason I haven't had my freakout is because I had one once I turned 27. 27 was my milemarker year. By 27 I swore I would have a child, a completed B.A. degree and I would be teaching little high schoolers in hot little outfits.

Well, 27 came and went and none of that happened.

But, here I am, like I said-6days shy of turning 30 and I am thrilled.

I still have 2 years left of school and as long as I complete them before I am 40 I will be okay with that.

I have a little family of my own and am discovering so many new and wonderful things about myself. I'm also RE-discovering some of my past loves, like music.

So, while I may be in the minority here, I will toast to proudly turning 30.

For a Minute There...

I lost myself.
I lost myself.

So, I reverted to Dot on the Sun. It took me long enough to realize that I was defeating the point I was trying to make with Stiletto Mommy. I was trying so hard to prove that being a Mom does not turn your former self "off" and turn you into this Mombot of sorts. But, by creating said blog I kinda turned into that person and that is not what I want.

I am still the same, except now I have a little family of my own that I love more than words could ever describe.

I feel sane and focused once again.

Welcome back.

Baby Ulysses was born.

Sometimes I can barely believe that I am actually his Mommy let alone I've been in that role for three months now. Where does the time go? I better not blink or it will be time to send him off to college.



Happy 3 months, munchkin.



I love you SO much.

It's 10:00 O'Clock, Do You Know Where YOU Are????

I know where I am.

I'm at home with my little family. Well, some nights it's just the munchkin and I. Want to know what we are doing? Youknowyoudo! Usually, the munchkin has just finished bath and massage time and we are snuggling on the couch.



My how things change in a short span of time. Just a few years ago at 10:00 PM you would find me taking a shower and getting dolled up to go out on the town. It would be 3AM and you would find me awake, but instead of checking on a little munchkin, or feeding him, I would be sitting at a Waffle House or Denny's having a night cap with my friends. A few hours later and I would collapse into my bed and not wake until the next afternoon. Yeah, you read that- AFTER noon.



Those days are mostly gone now.



Do I miss that life? I'll admit, sometimes I do. I miss sitting in a hazy bar, watching my man Karaoke his heart out. I miss the feeling of calling up friends at a moments notice to meet somewhere. I miss being giddy all day long looking forward to an awesome night out.



See, I can still have those nights...just not as often. I'm a Mommy, not ancient! I realize a lot of my budget would be blown by having those nights so often. Besides, I can appreciate them more now that they are few and far between.



But you know, I wouldn't trade the life I have now for anything in the world. Though sleep is sometimes scarce, a giggle from my son or a sweet touch of my face from his tiny yet huge hand makes it all worthwhile. Right now. Right this minute Daddy is still at work and the munchkin has taken over his spot on our bed. He is stretched out and sleeping so comfortably. He looks beyond adorable and it is taking every bit of control not to squeeze and smother him with kisses!



I knew becoming a mother would change me, I just didn't realize it would make me appreciate the simpler things in life even moreso.