Lifestyle Change.

I can't even BEGIN to count the numerous times I said I was starting a diet. "This is it.  This is the one.  No more waiting on tomorrow. TODAY."  I guess I'm even guilty of tricking myself into thinking that I was making a lifestyle change...

That is until recently.

I am now close to 8months post partum and I certainly do not have an excuse as to why the poundage is still on.  Sure, after the baby I instantly dropped close to 30 pounds, but I've still been way over my pre-pregnancy weight.
I'm not going to begin to list excuses, valid or not.
I'm not living in the woulda, coulda shoulda mode either.
Though denial is oftentimes soft and cushy, I have to trade it in  harsh reality.

So, that's just what I did.  A reality show, if you will.  You see, I watch The Biggest Loser.  I become so enthusiastic and inspired during that two hour span, and after the show, of course I reach for that pint of ice cream.  Defeated much?

If only I could go on the ranch and be whipped and prodded by Jill.  Or Bob.  I think I like Bob best. Anyway, SURELY I could do it that way.  You know, portion control and working out at the gym 6plus hours a day. DONE DEAL, man.

But, that's not going to happen.  So yeah, Ice cream here we go.

Well, that was the old me. The new me, well, re-invented me I should say is no longer that way.
I was beyond inspired by a contestant on the show, her name is  Abby .   After that horrible tragedy, I probably would have hid from the world forever, but she didnt. She continues on and most of the time you will find a beautiful smile on her face.  This really hit me.  Hard.

If she can do it, then by golly, so can I.
I have the reasons to right in front of me.  It's no longer ALL about looking good.  While that is a big part of it, it's a matter of feeling healthy and being around as long as I can for my husband and munchkindoodle. I am blessed to still have them in my life and a twinkie or double serving of pasta is not worth shaving years off my life.  Not just that, but I want to be an ACTIVE part of my son's life...not a huffing, puffing lump of lard.

So, I decided October 31st would be the first day of the BEST of my life.  I began a low carb meal plan, increased my water consumption and I walk with the munchkin a couple times a week.  I also will begin the couch to 5k plan next week.

So far I've seen water weight leave, but what I feel best about is that I am rarely hungry because of the intervals that I am eating at.  I haven't had heartburn since then and I've actually had an increase in energy.
I won't lie, I know I'll be eating sweets here and there and making some of the yummalicious Cuban food I adore, but I know my limits now.

I will nevermore hide in food.

I feel inspired.
I feel rejuvinated.
I feel good.

Present Tense

F

Forever a reminder to live in the moment.

I've spent too much time living in the past-you know, re-hashing situations in my mind, wondering what I could have done differently for a better outcome.  Missing "those days."
On the other hand, I've also spent way too much time making plans for the future, most which never quite turn out the way I had in mind.  Which then led to the inevitable...me, pissed off.

Needless to say, it's taken me 30 years to realize that I cannot change the past, and while I can affect the outcome of my future, if I spend too much time trying to perfect it, I miss the precious moments of the present.

While I never thought I'd tattoo my wrist, I felt it was the most appropriate spot for my new treasure.  Facing inward, it would constantly catch my eye and remind me to stop. Breathe. Live in the now.

Why Present Tense?  Good question.
When I was 11, I heard my first Pearl Jam song-'Alive.'  Shortly thereafter, my like for their music grew to love.  A love that comforted me in my darkest times.  A love that spoke to me like a quiet whisper, discretely hidden under covers.  A love that had perfect timing and aged as I did. A love that knew when my soul needed mending and quickly came to rescue.

For 19 years I've often pondered tattoo ideas to represent this love, but nothing I thought of seemed great enough.  Then it all made sense.

This song, Present Tense:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwamCGQU7_s
"You can spend your time alone redigesting past regrets,or you can come to terms and realize you're the only one who can forgive yourself.
Makes much more sense to live in the present tense."

I agree.  It all came together-my perspective on life and my love for the band that continues to write songs just for me- this was it.

As the needle guided the ink into my skin, with each cringe, with each breath, I let go.
I let go of all the negative in my past that I cannot change.
I let go of his past, and realized that it had nothing to do with me and I cannot keep trying to compete with it.
I let go of anger, hurt, jealousies, punishments, hate...

I walked out a new person. I walked out with a huge weight lifted off my shoulders .
Who thought 12 letters could do so much?

Ulysses is Half a Year Old!

I'm not sure where the time went, but it certainly flew by. My little boy, my munchkintini, my bundle of love, my lovebug is not so little anymore. In fact, at his 6month Dr. appointment he weighed in at 18lbs 12 oz and was 28inches long!
He is still loving his exersaucer and war crawling. He now can pull the fan pully thingy (what IS the name for that?) and turn it and the light on or off. He is still saying "Abba" and makes the sweetest little sounds.

He loves it when I play "5 little monkeys swinging from a tree" and can't get enough tickles.

He was sleeping through the night, but this past week he's been waking up at 2-3AM. I'm hoping it's because his top teeth are trying to push through and that he will be back to normal asap.

He is the most amazing blessing and Mommy's best friend. I don't know how I did so long without him and now that he's here, I can't wait for him to grow and learn yet I want to hold on to each and ever little memory.

Time goes much too quickly, but my love for him grows more and more every day.

Happy Half Year Birthday, Munchkindoodle.

What Does Marriage Mean to You?

This lyric sums up how I feel nicely-"love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah."-Leonard Cohen, Hallelujah

To me, love is not always rainbows and unicorns. Love is not constantly living in the "honeymoon phase."
Love is not a game, a lie, a battlefield nor a fairy tale.

Love is real.
Love is hard.
Love takes work.

Marriage, besides the legalities, is a union of two souls who want to journey together forever through life.
To me, Marriage is comprised of the following:

-resting my head on his chest to hear his heartbeat.
-looking in his eyes and knowing that he has lived a hard life, harder than most, and that the only person besides him that knows this is me.
-knowing his deepest, darkest secret(s).
-enjoying the masculine scent of his unbathed body.
-Him, remembering that I like my fries soft/soggy and baking them that way for me.
-Being spontaneous!
-Him, eating the red bell pepper enchiladas even though I goofed and should have made red pepper enchiladas.
-Farts, poop, snot and funk.
-The little things counting more than most major arguments.
-Working out your differences.
-Not being the "right" one all the time.
-Compromise, compromise, compromise.
-Never losing yourself.
-Being sexually innovative.
-Realizing that Love can kick the green-eyed monsters ass with her hands tied behind her back.
-Communication, communication, communication.
-Him, holding my hair whilst I hug the porcelain goddess.
-Me, caressing a cold washcloth with alcohol over his forehead and neck to combat a fever.
-Him, running out at any hour to buy something I'm craving while pregnant.
-Please and Thank You never leaving your vocabulary.
-Hugs and spanks just because.
-Giving him his space.
-Learning to love mine.
-Trust-without trust you have nothing.


I won't lie. Sometimes jealousy, resentment, insecurity and anger rear their ugly heads in, but marriage is knowing , no, the WILLINGNESS to continue to work together to understand the root of these things to eliminate them.

Marriage is love.
Marriage is work.
Marriage is beautiful, fragile yet stronger than anything you can ever encounter.

Marriage is real.

He Buzzes Like a Fridge, He's Like a Detuned Radio.

Another year has come and gone, and just in one hour I will be 30.
The husband is asleep with our dog in one room, the baby in another. I sit in a familiar setting- my darkened living room with nothing on but the t.v. for some backlight.

I just turned Karma Police on to help drown out the sound of the dishwasher.

This is what you get...

29, I am thankful to you because you gave me the most precious gift on Earth-my son, Ulysses.

29, you not only taught me what's important in life, but you also helped me discover the beautiful woman that I am. Sure, I have my flaws, but I am so much more than this shell. And, no matter how this shell may change-new stretch marks, weight gain, weight loss-the soul inside is capable of loving two someones more than there are stars in the sky.

29, You taught me what Tyler Durden has been trying to teach us for years now: ".you're not how much money you've got in the bank. You're not your job. You're not your family, and you're not who you tell yourself. You're not your name. You're not your problems. You're not your age. You are not your hopes."

29, You have bestowed upon me many blessings, including the courage to follow my heart once again.

29, You have allowed me to laugh like a child and cry with the force of a tidal wave. You threw me on an emotional rollercoaster, but led me to safety when the ride was over.

29, You showed me that it is possible to be a mother and not lose your identity in the process. Rock on with your bad self.

29, You make me look forward to 30 with excitement instead of fear.

29, You reinforced that living in the present is what needs to be done. You cannot live your life thinking about the future or rehashing your past.

Perhaps there is more I have to thank you for, 29. Suffice it to say this year I learned and lived and loved with insane passion.

May that never cease.

"May I never be complete. May I never be content. May I never be perfect"--Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club,

testing

Good Ole 30, Here I Come!

I turn thirty next Tuesday, Sept.1. I honestly thought that by now I would have started my major freakout.
Panic.
Obsessing about the things I never did...things I have left to do.

And, here we are, six days shy and I'm cool as a cucumber. Seriously.
I'm actually looking forward to 30. I feel 30 will be MY year. You know, everyone has their year, and I'm convinced 30 will be mine.

I think part of the reason I haven't had my freakout is because I had one once I turned 27. 27 was my milemarker year. By 27 I swore I would have a child, a completed B.A. degree and I would be teaching little high schoolers in hot little outfits.

Well, 27 came and went and none of that happened.

But, here I am, like I said-6days shy of turning 30 and I am thrilled.

I still have 2 years left of school and as long as I complete them before I am 40 I will be okay with that.

I have a little family of my own and am discovering so many new and wonderful things about myself. I'm also RE-discovering some of my past loves, like music.

So, while I may be in the minority here, I will toast to proudly turning 30.

For a Minute There...

I lost myself.
I lost myself.

So, I reverted to Dot on the Sun. It took me long enough to realize that I was defeating the point I was trying to make with Stiletto Mommy. I was trying so hard to prove that being a Mom does not turn your former self "off" and turn you into this Mombot of sorts. But, by creating said blog I kinda turned into that person and that is not what I want.

I am still the same, except now I have a little family of my own that I love more than words could ever describe.

I feel sane and focused once again.

Welcome back.

Baby Ulysses was born.

Sometimes I can barely believe that I am actually his Mommy let alone I've been in that role for three months now. Where does the time go? I better not blink or it will be time to send him off to college.



Happy 3 months, munchkin.



I love you SO much.

It's 10:00 O'Clock, Do You Know Where YOU Are????

I know where I am.

I'm at home with my little family. Well, some nights it's just the munchkin and I. Want to know what we are doing? Youknowyoudo! Usually, the munchkin has just finished bath and massage time and we are snuggling on the couch.



My how things change in a short span of time. Just a few years ago at 10:00 PM you would find me taking a shower and getting dolled up to go out on the town. It would be 3AM and you would find me awake, but instead of checking on a little munchkin, or feeding him, I would be sitting at a Waffle House or Denny's having a night cap with my friends. A few hours later and I would collapse into my bed and not wake until the next afternoon. Yeah, you read that- AFTER noon.



Those days are mostly gone now.



Do I miss that life? I'll admit, sometimes I do. I miss sitting in a hazy bar, watching my man Karaoke his heart out. I miss the feeling of calling up friends at a moments notice to meet somewhere. I miss being giddy all day long looking forward to an awesome night out.



See, I can still have those nights...just not as often. I'm a Mommy, not ancient! I realize a lot of my budget would be blown by having those nights so often. Besides, I can appreciate them more now that they are few and far between.



But you know, I wouldn't trade the life I have now for anything in the world. Though sleep is sometimes scarce, a giggle from my son or a sweet touch of my face from his tiny yet huge hand makes it all worthwhile. Right now. Right this minute Daddy is still at work and the munchkin has taken over his spot on our bed. He is stretched out and sleeping so comfortably. He looks beyond adorable and it is taking every bit of control not to squeeze and smother him with kisses!



I knew becoming a mother would change me, I just didn't realize it would make me appreciate the simpler things in life even moreso.

Toto, I Don't Think We Are in Kansas Anymore...

We're moving.



Not quite into a house yet, but most definitely to a place which we will make our home. It helps it is much closer to his job, so no more toll roads for now= WOOOHOO.



It's been a bit crazy, but today is the last bit before we go in tomorrow to settle in.



So, that's where I've been and that's where I'll be for the following week (without internet and cable). What will I do? Read?! ha-HA!

Abuelo Raul

Abuelo Raul.

I have so much to be thankful for when it comes to my Abuelo. It is because of he and my grandmother that I am a proud citizen of this country. It is because he came to this country, learned to communicate and worked harder than a dog as a janitor that I was able to grow up in a safe home surrounded by love. It is my Abuelito that stepped up and took the place of "Daddy" when my parents divorced.



I remember Abuelito bringing home dolls for me to play with. I cherished every one of them, even though I now know that they weren't brand new. He picked them up from the garbage at the Children's hospital he worked at. knowing that now, I treasure his heart even moreso.



I had several operations on my arm when I was young and Abuelito was there for each one. He bought me a set of clowns from the gift shop, and though I got red jello vomit on one of them, they were amongst my most prized possessions.



I used to "perform" by lypsincing to my grandparent's music and using the doorknob as my microphone often as a child. Abuelito was always my biggest fan and never hesitated to cheer me on. No matter how tired from work he was, he was never too tired for my shows.



I remember Abuelito playing aserin aserran with me on the couch. Though I was young, we would sit and listen to Alvarez Guedes and randomly around the house you would hear Abuelo asking me"quieres que te cuente el cuento de la buena pipa?" Abuelito used to kill me with tickles by playing this little ditty: "Cuando vayas a la carnicería,

dile que no te corten por aquí,

ni por aquí,

ni por aquí,

que te corten ¡por aquí!"

With each motion I knew he was getting closer to my armpit and I would giggle with anticipation.



As I grew older, he and Abuelita divorced, but my love for them always remained equal. To this day I still get birthday and Christmas cards with the infamous $25.00 or $50.00 check inside to buy myself "algo chiquito."



In 2005 Abuelito footed the bill and enabled my now husband and I to visit Cuba for the first time. While there he arranged the miraculous task of getting together 92 of our family members at one location for a meet and greet!



I know he wasn't perfect. Really, who is? But, my Abuelito always rose to the occasion when it came to me and to this day every memory I have of him is of Love. I pray my son will be able to meet the man that made such a wonderful impact on my life, soon.



Thank you, Abuelo.

I'm paranoid of a great many things, but most of all I have a HUGE paranoia that if I speak of (or in this case, write about) them, they will turn into a reality. SO, easy answer- we'll skip this prompt!



Instead, I'll go with-When I grow up I want to be like:



Okay, so you're probably thinking at this point I'm going to say something along the lines of my Mom or [insert family member here]. See, you'd be wrong. I love my momma, but if I am to answer this honestly I can't pick just one person. So, I'm picking three people that I've never met in real life, and who cares if one is a fictional character, right? But, the image of the three combined is what I aspire to be.



June Cleaver

Dita Von Teese

Lucille Ball



There ya go. Perfect me.

Who can resist an amazing figure, a penchant for glamour, intelligence, an amazing caring heart, incredible family values, kickass domestic side mixed with a lot of funny and a quirky disposition? NOT I!



Yep, that's exactly who I want to be when I group up. Mhm.

Home Sweet Home

This is the first home I ever have a recollection of. This is the famous home that Abuleito and Abuelita built for us.

I'm not sure which one of you did it. I'm not sure why nor HOW, but it appears someone has taken my sweet, sweet boy and replaced him with a little monster!



Poor Munchkin. He's been showing signs of teething for a little over a month now. You know, the excessive drooling, gnawing on anything he can get his little paws, er, hands on. Hands are no exception either, let me tell YOU! All that is fine and good because, you see, my munchkin has pretty much been all gummy smiles and giggles through this all...up until this week. My boy has discovered the art of SCREAMING to show his discomfort. This is especially awesome when Daddy has come home after 2AM from a 12hr shift and just wants to give his son some love- but no, the little monster is here in his place and makes it oh-so-delightful!



I promise our neighbors will begin to wonder if we're one of "those" neighbors that will soon end up on the news. The screams, oh the screams. The wiggling around and flailing of arms. Mommy mode wants nothing but to comfort this little monster, but when you try and try to no avail sometimes it feels easier to let him win the round.



Oh little monster, I will find a potion and when I do, you will be off and in your place will be my sweet little boy with a sweet new tooth!

My Great Tia, to be exact. This was Tia Caruca (Caridad), my Abuelita's baby sister. A few days have passed and I still have not come to terms with the fact she is no longer on this Earth.



I have very fond memories of Tia. She was always quick to great you with a warm smile and a hot meal. She had awesome naturally long nails ALWAYS manicured with the nifty half moon. She always offered me sage advice and plenty of love.



Some of my first memories include my first visits to Miami and spending most of the time at her house. I remember watching "Siempre En Domingo" and "Sabado Gigante" with her and discussing the celebrities.



As time progressed, we moved to Florida and then Holidays at her home became routine for us. Pork, congri and her famous mashed potatoes with bacon topping were among my favorite dishes.



Tia loved with all her heart, and let me tell you, it was immense. She genuinely was one of the warmest, sweetest, most loving people I have ever met. I am sure she has a room waiting for her behind those Pearly Gates.



I love you , Tia. I pray your soul is at Peace.

WhyThis Cubana Should Not Speak After 1AM

So, last night the munchkin was nice enough to allow Mommy and Daddy a nice,loooooooooooooong nap in the afternoon. So long, in fact, that we didn't wake up until 1AM. Go ULY!

What do I decide to do at that time? Cook? Clean? Roll over and go back to sleep? NO! In pure Jess fashion, I decide to pick a fight:



Me: Honey, if you and I wouldn't have talked about getting married back in 2006, do you think we would be married now?



Him: No.



Me: -Grumble- Really? What do you mean no?



Him: C'mon. That's like me asking you if we wouldn't have had that conversation about having a baby, would Uly be here now?



Me: No, it's not. I've ALWAYS wanted Uly, just like I've always wanted to marry you...



Him: I don't want to talk about it. You know why I didn't want to get married. Why are you bringing this up?



Me: Well, because, it would be nice to know you married me because you WANTED to, not because I MADE you...



silence...



silence...



Me: -sigh-



Him: Come on! You know I wanted to be with you and I love you. Besides, we're married now and that's what counts.



Me: -Grunt-





So, a little while passes and he's making these motivational posters of Uly which are hella funny.

I happen to glance over to his facebook and notice he responded to someone that posted "Single now. Anyone interested?"



That's right. I ripped into him again.



Me: So, you're interested, ey?



Him: WHAT? What are you talking about?



Me: That post-"single now, anyone interested?" You replied. You're interested?



Him: See, you shouldn't joke around with things like that.



Me: Joke? I'm not joking. I'm serious. You're interested?!



Him: -completely baffled-...are you serious??? Did you even loo...wait. You ARE serious!! Look at the name!



Me: Yeah, cray...



Him: Cray...A MAN. Forget it. I'm going to bed.



Well, Cray COULD be a woman, right? RIGHT?!

I'm trying to get into the habit of blogging daily and I'm hoping these memes assist me with doing so!



This week is a Heads week and the topic is TOOL.



I'm no carpenter of sorts, but I do love music, hence the obvious choice is going to be TOOL, the band.

I was a wide eyed pre-teen in middle school when all of a sudden I decided I was going to broaden my musical horizons and venture into the world of rock. I had a passion of music of all genres (except for country. That love developed much, much later in life) and I became really fascinated with the grunge movement. Bands like Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Alice in Chains and Soundgarden were just a few that you could catch me listening to any given afternoon. MTV wasn't the reality show deathpit that it currently is, and I actually would look dearly upon it to provide me with the latest and greatest bands to watch.

And that's when it happened.

I saw this insanely bizarre video that I just could not peel my eyes away from. It was creepy. It reminded me of a morphed version of 'Puppetmaster.' Words like "I am just a worthless liar. I am just an imbecile" and " I want, what I want"resonated in my brain. That's it. I was sucked in and TOOL soon became an addition to my afternoon musical orgy.



To be lame and borrow a quote from 'Grey's Anatomy', Tool is "dark and twisty." The songs of Tool can quickly adapt to my ever changing mood-and today, my favorite TOOL song is Parabola. It reminds me to not let go. Keep holding on and be thankful for what I have. TOOL, thank you.

"Twirling round with this familiar parable.

Spinning, weaving round each new experience.
Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing."

I remember this so vividly. It was a hot summer evening in L.A and my Abuelita and I were visiting her friend, Blanca. Blanca's daughter, Vanessa, was a few years older than I and uber cool in my eyes. She had mentioned to me she was going to go over to her nextdoor neighbors house to watch the WORLD PREMIERE video from Michael Jackson called "Thriller." My eyes lit up like Christmas morning and together we begged my Abuelita to allow me to go over so I too could partake in the fantabulous event. Thank my lucky stars, she gave in. Later that evening I was hypnotized by this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtyJbIOZjS8



What better encarnation of my two loves-music and all things horror?!!

I'm no longer that little girl, but the memory remains, lives and rejoices inside my heart to this very day.

We've all lost a piece of our youth today. Hold on to those precious memories, they are what keep us alive.



May your soul Rest in Peace, King of Pop.

I'm as happy as a pig in mud and so uber proud of my munchkin! I almost didn't post it because I didn't want to jynx myself, but after waiting almost 3 months I felt like yelling from a mountain top. No mountain top in sight, so blog yelling it is.



My munchkin slept from 9:30 last night until 715 this morning...in his basinet! Sure, now because I let all you in on our little secret he won't do it again. BUT! But, even if it is just a rare occasion, he STILL did it and I am over the luna with joy!



Other things to note:

He loves Sesame Street.

He is reaching for his toes and can grasp his right foot with his right hand.

He now inserts his fingers into his mouth and grasps his bottom gum/lip.

He loves Brazilian Girls' "About Us"

He is such a morning baby and coos like a songbird.



Oh, my munchkarino, you are the bestest!

If that is the case, then my macho is a floppy eared bunny. Ulysses slept close to 6 hours last night. UNBELIEVABLE! This little man usually wakes up every 3-4hrs for food. The past few nights he'd done incredible five hour stretches and holding true to form, last night he slept in a little longer. I'm loving this. I had already imagined my life as I knew it doomed to living like a zombie. There is a saying in spanish that goes "Dios aprieta pero no ahorca." Or in English, "God squeezes but does not strangle/suffocate." I don't know, I like the Spanish version better. Moving right along, this couldn't come at a better time because I go back to work on Wednesday. It's already been two months and I can barely believe where the time went. Could be due to the fact that every week feels like one. long. day.

This is actually one of my favorite things to blog about- 10 things you might not know about me, as every year this becomes more of a challenge. So, without further ado...dies cosas:





I had a unicameral bone cyst in my right humerus as a child. Because of this, I was in Red Cross pamphlets, the evening news and on a show that was called "Cara a Cara."

I still fantasize about being a kick ass professional dancer.

I have slight OCD tendencies, mainly rituals that I hide from everyone.

I was a stagehand for a burlesque troupe for a year of my life.

I've gotten so much better, but I still am the stereotypical latina when it comes to jealousy, possessiveness and a hot temper.

I believe in clairvoyancy, clairaudience,the paranormal/supernatural and yes, even el cuco.



I always wanted to teach Secondary, but since having my baby, I'm leaning towards Elementary education.

For over a year, I submitted weekly submissions to Dyingdays.com. The irony? I never felt so alive thanks to the outlet it provided me.

For as optomistic as I am, I have just as much cynism harbored deep down.

I have six tattoos and will have a new addition by my birthday.

these are a few of my favorite things:



OPI Got the Blues for Red-



All things retro be it fashion, lifestyle or art.

Tattoos

Fresh -out -of- the -dryer clothes.

Music, mainly these dudes-





Anything Horror.

Tulips.

Cuban food.

Frosted animal crackers-





Rainy days.

Crosses.

High heels, of course.

Blue jeans.

Flirty dresses.

Lazy Sunday afternoons.

Road trips.

New Orleans-Vodka

The scent of vanilla

Lingerie

Cows

Puppies

My Husband, our love and our handsome munchkin-

I'm a recipe cook. I admit, I'm the ONE and ONLY Cuban/Puerto Rican mother you will find that cannot cook worth a damn. There. I feel better now. That being said, you hand me a recipe and I'll do a mighty fine job. There is a rule I like to follow while trying my hand at a flavorful meal-clean up as you go. Heck, if I were to apply this to all other aspects of my life I wouldn't go crazy doing the inlaw-is-coming-over- clean- frenzy dance. As I was making my chicken w/onion and tomate I realized that I have pretty much relied on my kitchen helper for a few years now. When pressed, he makes a really good bathroom helper also.



Meet my helper, Clorox Wipes.




So today, here is to you Clorox Wipes. You truly make life sparkle.

What a week:



*I left my little man for the first time to go back to work on Wednesday. It was hard but even harder when I got home and was able to spend about 20minutes with him before he was ready for bed. Needless to say, Mommy was a sad panda.

*Get back to work and realize that we have been given even MORE responsibility but pay remains the same.

*Speaking of pay, I also got jipped out of my annual bonus. Yeah...

*Thursday morning, my hair dryer decided it wanted to try to electrocute me. Fun tingling feeling through my left arm that morning.



Friday totally cemented my want to be what I never thought I would see myself as: A stay at home Mom.omorrow, I will follow my heart and take the first step into what will be my most challenging yet fulfilling role ever.

I was driving back home today from my first alone shopping trip with my two month old when I suddenly began thinking about pain. Why, I'm not sure, but I did. I was thinking of how high a pain tolerance I have. I have had pretty much every known dental procedure EVER, surgery , tattoos, piercings and most recently I had a child via c-section and handled my recovery without any pain medication. I'm pretty darn proud of myself. However, as I was on that last thought, I caught a glimpse of the humongous pimples I have under my chin and fear crept in. You see, my husband is a popper. Yes, he cannot stand any type of pimple or boil and he will go to town with those fuckers if you let him. Since I am not a popper I figure I'll let him do it. Why deny him one of the simple pleasure of life?

Back to what I was saying...fear. It crept in. As I mentioned above I have a pretty high pain tolerance, EXCEPT WHEN IT COMES TO PIMPLE POPPING! Goodness, gracious. The pain. The misery. A root canal feels sweeter than the pop of a pimple. Three, even.



So my thought for today is: How in the world can a pimple cause me so much pain? Proactive, you best work your magic, or ELSE!

Lloyd Dobler, Say Anything

This post is brought to you by the letter H for HORMONES.

I was reading someone's blog yesterday where they mentioned the bathtub scene from "Big Fish" and it got me 1.) super emotional, tears rolling down my face thankful for Love and 2.) Remembering movie moments that made me feel that way. I love movies almost as much as I love music and that makes it extremely difficult for me to choose top five, ten, howevermany magical-romantic-feel good/heart wrenching-moments. Instead, I will try to list a few on a weekly basis.

First one, of course is that magical boombox moment from "Say Anything" where Lloyd is standing outside Diane's window and blasts Peter Gabriel's In Your Eyes (Which also happens to be OUR song). Sweet, sweet sighage. I just want to teleport into my televesion screen, run up to Lloyd and makeout furiously with him. I'd give him more than my pen.

Next up, we have "Vanilla Sky." Such an incredible movie, I can't sell it enough to everyone I know. There are so many moments but the one sticking out the most to me at this moment is the ending. "I'll see you in another life, when we are both cats." That coupled with the knowledge that their love was fabricated in his mind made me weap like a little girl. I don't know about you, but I would much rather have experienced a fabricated love of my life and having a purpose to get me through life, than to have never have even come close to what love is.

Speaking of love that never was, can we take a minute to remember Clementine and Joel from "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind", cause they sure as heck can't. "Come back and make up a good-bye at least. Let's pretend we had one." I have hopes they met each other in Montauk.

Last but not least for today is the "Why didn't you write me?" scene from "The Notebook." What part of that scene DOES NOT give you the butterflies? Seriously-there is rain, a Gorgeous hunk of man meat and passionate kisses and lovemaking. This scene is tied with the one at the end where she figures out Joel has been reading their life story to her.

Closing thought: There IS hope for Love, afterall.

Absolutely nada is what I did today. Why? Well, because I could, that's why. Actually, I did two loads of laundry but there they are, staring at me like the geico money dude, from the opposite side of the couch. Beckoning me to fold and bring them to their home. Do I listen? No. Never! I'd just as soon let them sit there for an entire week if it meant I got some sit-back-relax-and-do-absolutely-nothing time. Isn't that sad? I know, I know. Truth be told I'll get to the clothes before I crawl into bed tonight. Thoughts of poor, sad, crumpled clothing will drive me nuts until I do. I don't know what it is, but when the home is clean it's almost as if my state of mind is clear of clutter as well. I always thought it was some Cubaniche thing, and perhaps it is, but at least it makes for good motivation don't you think?