Something you hope to do in your life.

This one is easy- I want (AND WILL) complete my Bachelor's Degree.

Fin.

Day: 4- Something You Have to Forgive Someone for.

I'm skipping this one because I forgave who I had to a long time ago.
I still remember, but forgiveness has been issued.

Day 3: Something You Have to Forgive Yourself for.

Dear Me,

I love you, and while things haven't always been on the up, you always found a way there.  You are a good and kind person and I suppose that is why I can't understand why you are so hard on yourself.  Sometimes to the point of tears. You have to stop feeling guilty for choices you've made.  Sure, hindsight is always 20/20, but had you made different choices, would you still have the amazing life you have now?  Probably not.  

Why do you beat yourself up about your weight?  You are healthy, yes? So what if you give in and eat sweets or a slice or two of pizza? You want it-have it.  It's all about moderation.  You have GOT to stop enjoying something and then feeling like trash the minute it is over.  Life is short.  Enjoy every minute.

So, you didn't go to the gym every day this week.  You're still making an effort, it's really okay.

Stop questioning everything you do or don't.

I forgive you for scrutinizing yourself.

I forgive you for being ugly to yourself.

I forgive you for having unrealistic expectations.

Now, get out there and be HAPPY.

Day 2: Something You Love About Yourself

Ahhh, Love.   
The life force of all living things...no, wait.  That's the Sun. I LOVE THE SUN!
love, Love, LOVE!
I love music and horror and poetry and puppy dogs and, and, and..
Oh yeah, this is what I love about ME.
Hmmm.  Good question.
I must admit, had I been asked this a few years back I would have struggled to find an accurate answer.  But now, wow,  (at the risk of sounding self absorbed) there are so many things I have discovered that I love about myself.
But, out of all things, I absolutely, postively, without-a-doubt LOVE my ability to LOVE!
I become happy, giddy even at the thought of the word...Love.
I am so passionate (to a fault) about people, things, events, animals...
Is it strange that I can love a melody the same way I love my dog? Perhaps.
I love those in need, those who have wronged me (forgive but never forget) and love the beauty that is in everthing/everyone surrounding us.
My heart swells when I see beautiful architecture, a grandparent hugging a child, someone helping the elderly, a baby learning to walk, an amazing rock performance, etc.
Why?  Because I love life and all aspects of it.
"The sweet is never as sweet without the sour"- Vanilla Sky
SO, yes.  I love that I can still love with all my Soul no matter what cards life has dealt me.

Day One: Something You Hate About Yourself

Hate.
Such a strong word that I seldom use it.
There are a few things that I dislike about myself, some of which I truly have no control over- like, the fact that I will never have a beautiful smile.  Or, that my heart rules all my actions. There are other things that I can control, but allow myself to surrender to defeat.  You know, being on the giving end of a relationship, always working harder than most for the least recognition, eating more than I should/exercising way less.  You get the point.  In most recent years I have been trying my hardest to learn to love myself truly, flaws included. In that process, I have also learned that the part of me that I dislike (hate) the most is the part of me that really needs love the most-my self-esteem.

I probably have the worst self esteem of anyone you know.  And, because of that, people that I love suffer.
My Low Self-Esteem speaks to the jealousy and encourages it.  Low Self -Esteem speaks to envy and blinds me from all the wonderful things in my life.
Low Self-Esteem makes me see things that are not real.
Low Self- Esteem tricks my heart and clouds my mind.
Even still, little by little, I am learning to feed love to the one thing I hate the most in hopes that one day it will shed its ugly lining and blossom into the most beautiful entity it is destined to become.

30 Days of Truth

I didn't have enough self discipline to complete the last well (hell, make it through the first five) but I am determined to complete this one.  Join me, if you dare.

Day 01 — Something you hate about yourself.

Day 02 — Something you love about yourself

Day 03 — Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Day 04 — Something you have to forgive someone for.

Day 05 — Something you hope to do in your life.

Day 06 — Something you hope you never have to do.

Day 07 — Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Day 08 — Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Day 09 — Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Day 10 — Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Day 11 — Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Day 12 — Something you never get compliments on.

Day 13 — A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Day 14 — A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Day 15 — Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living 

without it.

Day 16 — Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17 — A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Day 18 — Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19 — What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20 — Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21 — (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22 — Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Day 23 — Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 24 — Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 25 — The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Day 26 — Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 27 — What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Day 28 — What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 29 — Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Day 30 — A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Welcome to the Happiest Place on Earth.

In December, we traveled to visit my side of the family in Tampa.  On the 22nd, we took a one day trip to the most magical, amazing place on Earth- Disney World.
You see, ever since I was a little girl Disneyland/DisneyWorld  became a yearly event.  Always something that I looked forward to-a constant- a day (or few) where all my troubles would melt away and I would float amongst the magic of my favorite characters and stories.  I hope to one day share in that magic with my child, and last year I was able to do that and more...

Not only did I share in the joy with my one and a half year old, but my mother was there and all was right in the world.

I must admit, Disney with a toddler was something I thought would drive us to drink, but I am so incredibly proud at how well behaved Uly was.  Not only that, but he rode Pirates of the Caribbean and the Haunted Mansion without being afraid of anything!  He totally squealed with delight when the dip of the ship occurred and played "el coco" with me throughout the dark parts of the rides.  I have an amazing little boy that does not cease to surprise me daily with how magnificent he is.

While this may not be a yearly tradition I can continue, I will never allow more than 3 yrs lapse without visiting the mouse with Uly.
I know what Heaven feels like: It's your little boy cuddling with you on the Haunted Mansion ride.

Because I Don't Want to Forget...

• For the past month he has been improving on his numbers, letters and colors.
• He can count to ten on his own.
• He can count to tres in Spanish.
• He knows the order of the alphabet, though only pronounces a few letters.  Mainly A, B, E, K, O, P, S,T.
• He can recognize and pronounce colors such as "lello", red, blue, "een" and my personal favorite- "puh'pal."
• He recognizes mommy's "Tat-too."
• When he wants to be picked up he says "up" and extends his arms.
• When he wants "down" he tells you, also.
• "Thank you" and "you're welcome" are a regular part of his vocabulary now.
• He knows who "Oski" is.
• He can tell you if something is "hot" or "cold."
• "Cat" and "puppy" are recognizable, too.
• Thanks to Diego, "yum, yum, yum, delicioso" is also a part of his vocabulary.
• "Eat" , "juice" , "more" and "all done"  are heard at meal times.
• When you ask him how much Mommy loves him- he answers "mmmmmback" (to the moon and back )
• He knows the tune and hand motions to The Itsy Bitsy Spider, Row, Row Row Your Boat, Skimmamarinky Dinky Dink and even says "Iiiii  you!" (I love you)
• His first song recognition was Old MacDonald and he would sing "EIEI-O."

Day 03 – Your Parents

I grew up a poor, black child.
I kid, I kid. Ahhh, but I do love me some Steve Martin.
I am first generation American.  The product of a Cuban mother and Puerto Rican father.
My mother had the unfortunate fate to be named after her Patron Saint-Gliceria. Her middle name is Margarita and after making it to the USA, she thankfully took on the moniker of "Maggie."
She was the elder sibling and had to take on the role of translator at an early age.  At 18 she began working in the Workman's Comp Claims industry and has been there ever since, despite a few attempts to revisit College.
She met my father shortly thereafter and I was conceived before she could legally drink. (In case you were wondering, it was in Vegas while watching 'Saturday Night Fever')
My father hails from Puerto Rico and swept my mom off her feet at an early age.  I'm not sure if it was his long hair, his penchant for great music or his brief stint in the military, but boy she was smitten. 
Sadly, their relationship perished by the time I was 2.  As much as I wish they would have/could have stayed together, I am happy they didn't because now I have 4 wonderful siblings that came from their future relationships.
I love my parents deeply, and they did the best they could-I could never resent them for that. At 21 I didn't know what color I wanted to dye my hair let alone could consider having a child. Kudos to them doing what was best.

Day 02 – Your first love

Ah, young love. So sweet, yet so cruel.
I remember being 5 and madly in 'love' with Richard.  Richard was this sweet, timid, perfectly mannered little boy with dark brown skin and darker hair and eyes.
He could do no wrong.
We were both in the same Kindergarten class with Mrs. Thomas who had to be pushing 90. Seriously.
Anyway, we were both in the same class, but I'm sure he didn't realize I existed.  You see, Richard was madly in 'love' with Irene...my best friend.

Eventually I got over Richard and soon realized that boys came and went.  I did, however, realize that there would be a kind of love that would always be reciprocated.  Music.
Music is and always will be my first love. It moves me.  It soothes me.  It inspires me and calms me just the same.
I can relate any aspect of my life to a particular song.
I envision my future via soundtrack.
It makes me smile, it makes me cry.
No matter what, it is always there...
a love, to last a lifetime.

Day 01 – Introduce yourself

Hello.
My name is Jessica Marie and I am a procrastinator.  To prove it, look at the date on my previous entry and look at today's entry date. 'nuff said.
I also am a fan of lists and bullet points.  So, without further ado-my life in bullet points:

• I was born in Glendale, CA and lived there until I was 11.  Sadly, I've only been back once, but I do plan on taking my husband and son within the next year or so.
• At 11, I moved to Miami, Fl.  Graduated from Miami Coral Park Senior...famous Alumni? Yea, Edward James Olmos, Steven Bauer and wait for it...Pit Bull.
• I met my high school sweetheart at 14, married at 18 and we separated at 21.  Divorce came later...like at 25.  See? Procrastinator.
• I began writing on a weekly basis for this little place called 'DyingDays.'
• I met my now Husband thanks to that little place and we fell in lust-love on a slippery cobblestone street in New Orleans.
• Three months later, I drove my little, white, Dodge Neon to Mississippi to move in with him.
• Two years later, we were fortunate enough to make a trip to Cuba  to meet 92 relatives.
• Shortly after that, a hooker named Katrina decided to huff and puff and ruin home.
• Moved to Tampa, FL.  Gave it a go for 2 years and decided that Houston, TX would be a better match.
• Got Married in October (my favorite month) 2007 and moved to Houston in Dec.
• A year and a half later, we were blessed with the most precious boy ever. Ulysses Noel.  Think James Joyce, not Grant.
• I recently (September 1st) turned 31 and I can honestly say that I feel like life is just beginning for me.
• I have many quirks. 
• I love music. All sorts.  But, if I were to be honest, I would love for life to bring back grunge.
• I believe in sappy, over-the-top romantic gestures and also know that the little ones can truly be just as grand.
• I'm not a sports fan (though I played a wee bit of Basketball and Volleyball in Elementary) but this year I joined a Fantasy Football league.
• I'm not a true 'girly' girl. I never played with dolls, but I absolutely love make-up, mani/pedis and my hair taken care of.
• I love Tattoos. I currently have 7 and I hope to have my Ulysses Tattoo by his 2nd birthday.
• I strongly feel that no matter how old you are, you should always be made to feel special on your Birthday.
•  I am strong-willed and opinionated.  Though I recognize when it is best not to voice mine.
• I am compassionate, caring and empathetic to a fault.  I cry during commercials. 
• I love anything and everything Horror.  The "campy-er", the better.
• I love anything and everything Vintage.
• I surprise many when I speak Spanish.  Yes, I am Cuban-Puerto Rican and very proud.

So, yeah.  Introduction complete.  Hopefully the next few entries will allow a closer glimpse into who I am and what makes me, well, me.

Woah. I should dust this thing off...

I love to write.
I think too much for my own good. 
I like to write my thoughts out. 
When did I forget to do what I enjoyed?  Not sure, but here is another attempt to get these creative juices flowing once more...

Day 01 – Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love
Day 03 – Your parents
Day 04 – What you ate today
Day 05 – Your definition of love
Day 06 – Your day
Day 07 – Your best friend
Day 08 – A precious item
Day 09 – Your beliefs
Day 10 – What you wore today
Day 11 – Your siblings
Day 12 – What’s in your bag
Day 13 – This week
Day 14 – What you wore today
Day 15 – Your dreams
Day 16 – Your first kiss
Day 17 – Your favorite memory
Day 18 – Your favorite birthday
Day 19 – Something you regret
Day 20 – Your morning routine
Day 21 – Your job and/or schooling
Day 22 – Something that upsets you
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry
Day 25 – Your sleeping habits
Day 26 – Your fears
Day 27 – Your favorite place
Day 28 – Something that you miss
Day 29 – Your favorite foods/drinks
Day 30 – Your aspirations

I saw this in another journal that I read and thought it was great inspiration.  So later, I begin with #1.

"Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be."-Carrie Bradshaw

I let go and boy do I like where I'm going.  Remember that thing, you know-the thing where I said I was going to let go of negativity and become more positive?  Yeah, well, it's actually working.  Whowouldathunkit?! Let's be honest for a second.  I know I can't erase ALL of the negativity, but just changing my outlook has proven to be worthwhile.  Now if I could just get Raines to be more positive...yeah, I'll get back to you on that.

For the first time in a very, very long time I can actually say that I feel good.  I am now 2lbs shy of my pre-pregnancy weight, exercising pretty much every day, even if it's a 10min yoga video or  a little bit of strength training for my upper body-I'm doing it.  My allergies/sinus cold was crazy last week, so I didn't step foot in the gym, but I worked my booty at home and darn it, I am pretty proud of myself. I still have a long way to go, but the fact that I can now wear my pre-pregnancy clothes once again does amazing things for my confidence.

Work-wow, I love it.  I know, I know, it's crazy and super busy, but it really does help the time go by quickly.  I am 15minutes away from home WITH traffic and I feel so productive.  Not that staying at home with the munchkindoodle wasn't productive, but I just feel, I dunno, a sense of normalcy again?  I found my routine, it works and I'm happy.

More happy?  Ulysses took some UNASSISTED steps last night.  Granted, they were two, but he did it over and over again.  This makes me a happy momma.  I had become worried that he was falling behind.  Uly has always been pretty advanced and now that he is almost a year old and had not taken steps, well, it got to the worry wart of me.  But, I know he will do things when he is ready and I just have to be patient.

Patience?  I'm still working on that one.

I was this() close to getting acrylic nails this weekend.  I haven't had them for over a year, but I am so tired of my nails constantly chipping and my nail polish not lasting for more than 48hrs.  I decided against it (thank goodness) but if any of you have any tips on how to keep my nails looking fresh and chip free, well, I'm all ears.

I DID, however, do something that I thought I'd never do again.  I got bangs.  Straight across bangs.  I was looking for a change and something that was flattering to my face.  I was super nervous, but I am really happy with the outcome.  I  may even start a Divinyls type band.

JOKING!

Me, You Wouldn't Recall. For I'm Not My Former...

Hello, life!  I have missed you so!
I am thrilled to announce that I re-entered the working world this past Tuesday.  I am working in the front office for an Orthopedic practice and am loving it so far!  It's been extremely busy, and while I still have many things to learn, I just know I will catch on ASAP.
I have been waking up at o'dark-thirty and heading to the gym before work.   Two things:  I'm proud of myself and I really like how this allows me to wake up and feel energized.  I plan on pushing myself a little harder this coming week and kicking my workout up a notch.
One drawback is that by 8PM I am so ready to crash. I must find a way to remedy this.
I am also really surprised by how easy going back to work came for me.  I honestly thought I would feel guilt for leaving the munchkindoodle at home or be consumed with feelings of sadness.  In fact, the opposite occurred.  I feel so rejunivated and excited to accomplish things.  I truly think that staying home with him for most of his first year of life helped with this immensely.

Speaking of, the munchkin will turn ONE in five short weeks.  How did that happen???
I need to begin planning his Yo Gabba Gabba party.  Go Muno!

I've decided because I have a fresh start on so many things that I am going to try to live by Coco's words and not be so cynical.  I am going to try to keep a positive perspective on EVERYTHING and not allow myself to be influenced by the negativity of  others.  Plus, I'm going to be more selective about whom I share personal details of my life with.  Not everyone deserves that access, and if you have it, treasure it.

So there you have it.

2010 Thinspiration

It has sure been forever since I last updated!  One of my resolutions is to write more often, so I thought what better way than to post some thinspiration for the new year?!

Now, my thinspiration is not what most women would choose, but I have to be honest with myself.  You see, realistically, I could never see myself as a size 2, 4 heck even 7.  I'm sure if I worked hard enough it would be feasible, but that's just not me.  I have curves.  And, I truly, honestly love them.  So, I decided I would pick TWO curvelicious women that I could consider my "thinspiration" to help motivate me on my weightloss journey.

For your viewing please, I present Sara Ramirez:

  Next, Christina Hendricks:

By no means are these women what I would consider to be plus size, however they are not your standard Hollywood 00 and I truly admire that.

I've also created a SparkPeople page and hope that by making it public it will help in keeping me accountable.

Here's the link:
Dotonthesun Sparkpage

Here's to a happy and Healthy 2010!

Lifestyle Change.

I can't even BEGIN to count the numerous times I said I was starting a diet. "This is it.  This is the one.  No more waiting on tomorrow. TODAY."  I guess I'm even guilty of tricking myself into thinking that I was making a lifestyle change...

That is until recently.

I am now close to 8months post partum and I certainly do not have an excuse as to why the poundage is still on.  Sure, after the baby I instantly dropped close to 30 pounds, but I've still been way over my pre-pregnancy weight.
I'm not going to begin to list excuses, valid or not.
I'm not living in the woulda, coulda shoulda mode either.
Though denial is oftentimes soft and cushy, I have to trade it in  harsh reality.

So, that's just what I did.  A reality show, if you will.  You see, I watch The Biggest Loser.  I become so enthusiastic and inspired during that two hour span, and after the show, of course I reach for that pint of ice cream.  Defeated much?

If only I could go on the ranch and be whipped and prodded by Jill.  Or Bob.  I think I like Bob best. Anyway, SURELY I could do it that way.  You know, portion control and working out at the gym 6plus hours a day. DONE DEAL, man.

But, that's not going to happen.  So yeah, Ice cream here we go.

Well, that was the old me. The new me, well, re-invented me I should say is no longer that way.
I was beyond inspired by a contestant on the show, her name is  Abby .   After that horrible tragedy, I probably would have hid from the world forever, but she didnt. She continues on and most of the time you will find a beautiful smile on her face.  This really hit me.  Hard.

If she can do it, then by golly, so can I.
I have the reasons to right in front of me.  It's no longer ALL about looking good.  While that is a big part of it, it's a matter of feeling healthy and being around as long as I can for my husband and munchkindoodle. I am blessed to still have them in my life and a twinkie or double serving of pasta is not worth shaving years off my life.  Not just that, but I want to be an ACTIVE part of my son's life...not a huffing, puffing lump of lard.

So, I decided October 31st would be the first day of the BEST of my life.  I began a low carb meal plan, increased my water consumption and I walk with the munchkin a couple times a week.  I also will begin the couch to 5k plan next week.

So far I've seen water weight leave, but what I feel best about is that I am rarely hungry because of the intervals that I am eating at.  I haven't had heartburn since then and I've actually had an increase in energy.
I won't lie, I know I'll be eating sweets here and there and making some of the yummalicious Cuban food I adore, but I know my limits now.

I will nevermore hide in food.

I feel inspired.
I feel rejuvinated.
I feel good.

Present Tense

F

Forever a reminder to live in the moment.

I've spent too much time living in the past-you know, re-hashing situations in my mind, wondering what I could have done differently for a better outcome.  Missing "those days."
On the other hand, I've also spent way too much time making plans for the future, most which never quite turn out the way I had in mind.  Which then led to the inevitable...me, pissed off.

Needless to say, it's taken me 30 years to realize that I cannot change the past, and while I can affect the outcome of my future, if I spend too much time trying to perfect it, I miss the precious moments of the present.

While I never thought I'd tattoo my wrist, I felt it was the most appropriate spot for my new treasure.  Facing inward, it would constantly catch my eye and remind me to stop. Breathe. Live in the now.

Why Present Tense?  Good question.
When I was 11, I heard my first Pearl Jam song-'Alive.'  Shortly thereafter, my like for their music grew to love.  A love that comforted me in my darkest times.  A love that spoke to me like a quiet whisper, discretely hidden under covers.  A love that had perfect timing and aged as I did. A love that knew when my soul needed mending and quickly came to rescue.

For 19 years I've often pondered tattoo ideas to represent this love, but nothing I thought of seemed great enough.  Then it all made sense.

This song, Present Tense:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwamCGQU7_s
"You can spend your time alone redigesting past regrets,or you can come to terms and realize you're the only one who can forgive yourself.
Makes much more sense to live in the present tense."

I agree.  It all came together-my perspective on life and my love for the band that continues to write songs just for me- this was it.

As the needle guided the ink into my skin, with each cringe, with each breath, I let go.
I let go of all the negative in my past that I cannot change.
I let go of his past, and realized that it had nothing to do with me and I cannot keep trying to compete with it.
I let go of anger, hurt, jealousies, punishments, hate...

I walked out a new person. I walked out with a huge weight lifted off my shoulders .
Who thought 12 letters could do so much?

Ulysses is Half a Year Old!

I'm not sure where the time went, but it certainly flew by. My little boy, my munchkintini, my bundle of love, my lovebug is not so little anymore. In fact, at his 6month Dr. appointment he weighed in at 18lbs 12 oz and was 28inches long!
He is still loving his exersaucer and war crawling. He now can pull the fan pully thingy (what IS the name for that?) and turn it and the light on or off. He is still saying "Abba" and makes the sweetest little sounds.

He loves it when I play "5 little monkeys swinging from a tree" and can't get enough tickles.

He was sleeping through the night, but this past week he's been waking up at 2-3AM. I'm hoping it's because his top teeth are trying to push through and that he will be back to normal asap.

He is the most amazing blessing and Mommy's best friend. I don't know how I did so long without him and now that he's here, I can't wait for him to grow and learn yet I want to hold on to each and ever little memory.

Time goes much too quickly, but my love for him grows more and more every day.

Happy Half Year Birthday, Munchkindoodle.

What Does Marriage Mean to You?

This lyric sums up how I feel nicely-"love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah."-Leonard Cohen, Hallelujah

To me, love is not always rainbows and unicorns. Love is not constantly living in the "honeymoon phase."
Love is not a game, a lie, a battlefield nor a fairy tale.

Love is real.
Love is hard.
Love takes work.

Marriage, besides the legalities, is a union of two souls who want to journey together forever through life.
To me, Marriage is comprised of the following:

-resting my head on his chest to hear his heartbeat.
-looking in his eyes and knowing that he has lived a hard life, harder than most, and that the only person besides him that knows this is me.
-knowing his deepest, darkest secret(s).
-enjoying the masculine scent of his unbathed body.
-Him, remembering that I like my fries soft/soggy and baking them that way for me.
-Being spontaneous!
-Him, eating the red bell pepper enchiladas even though I goofed and should have made red pepper enchiladas.
-Farts, poop, snot and funk.
-The little things counting more than most major arguments.
-Working out your differences.
-Not being the "right" one all the time.
-Compromise, compromise, compromise.
-Never losing yourself.
-Being sexually innovative.
-Realizing that Love can kick the green-eyed monsters ass with her hands tied behind her back.
-Communication, communication, communication.
-Him, holding my hair whilst I hug the porcelain goddess.
-Me, caressing a cold washcloth with alcohol over his forehead and neck to combat a fever.
-Him, running out at any hour to buy something I'm craving while pregnant.
-Please and Thank You never leaving your vocabulary.
-Hugs and spanks just because.
-Giving him his space.
-Learning to love mine.
-Trust-without trust you have nothing.


I won't lie. Sometimes jealousy, resentment, insecurity and anger rear their ugly heads in, but marriage is knowing , no, the WILLINGNESS to continue to work together to understand the root of these things to eliminate them.

Marriage is love.
Marriage is work.
Marriage is beautiful, fragile yet stronger than anything you can ever encounter.

Marriage is real.

He Buzzes Like a Fridge, He's Like a Detuned Radio.

Another year has come and gone, and just in one hour I will be 30.
The husband is asleep with our dog in one room, the baby in another. I sit in a familiar setting- my darkened living room with nothing on but the t.v. for some backlight.

I just turned Karma Police on to help drown out the sound of the dishwasher.

This is what you get...

29, I am thankful to you because you gave me the most precious gift on Earth-my son, Ulysses.

29, you not only taught me what's important in life, but you also helped me discover the beautiful woman that I am. Sure, I have my flaws, but I am so much more than this shell. And, no matter how this shell may change-new stretch marks, weight gain, weight loss-the soul inside is capable of loving two someones more than there are stars in the sky.

29, You taught me what Tyler Durden has been trying to teach us for years now: ".you're not how much money you've got in the bank. You're not your job. You're not your family, and you're not who you tell yourself. You're not your name. You're not your problems. You're not your age. You are not your hopes."

29, You have bestowed upon me many blessings, including the courage to follow my heart once again.

29, You have allowed me to laugh like a child and cry with the force of a tidal wave. You threw me on an emotional rollercoaster, but led me to safety when the ride was over.

29, You showed me that it is possible to be a mother and not lose your identity in the process. Rock on with your bad self.

29, You make me look forward to 30 with excitement instead of fear.

29, You reinforced that living in the present is what needs to be done. You cannot live your life thinking about the future or rehashing your past.

Perhaps there is more I have to thank you for, 29. Suffice it to say this year I learned and lived and loved with insane passion.

May that never cease.

"May I never be complete. May I never be content. May I never be perfect"--Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club,